Your Best is Enough

Let us be honest about something: None of us are perfect. I know that I am not. Never will be. Don’t really want to be. I am all sorts of messed up and I have come to terms with that.

Like many others, I struggle with anxiety. Sometimes stress catches up with me. Sometimes the darkness of depression can be overwhelming and all the demons of my past seem to be trying to hold me back from the things I love.

I’m sure by now, most people have seen the Oprah interview with Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. While I have never really followed the Royal Family, I watched the interview as it aired down here in Antarctica (via the Armed Forces Network).

What struck me the most was not the accusations of racism within the Royal Palace, but the candid honesty that both Meghan and Harry shared about their struggles with mental health. Two of the most well known people in the world shared that they have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts.

Their courage to speak out and say that they sought help is a powerful weapon against depression. In the fight for mental health.

I know they are not the only people to struggle with their mental health. They are not the first ones to announce the very real fight against the darkness that is depression. And they will not be the last.

Everyone processes the trauma of stress differently. Some of us hold it within our chests, making it difficult to breathe. Others keep it locked away in their own heads, blinding their thoughts and dreams with fear. Some people allow this process to fuel their creativity, capturing it on the page, with words, or through photography.

But I have discovered that no matter how much you grow through this process, your trauma is always with you.

Almost ten years ago, I found myself in the debris field of Joplin, MO with several firefighters and AmeriCorps Members as they worked their way through the wreckage in the final sweep of search and recovery efforts. I can still smell the decaying garbage and filth. I can still recall every fearful thought of “what if…” that rang through my skull as we made our way through the wreckage. I still catch myself wondering if I missed something. The feeling that if I had just gotten out there a day earlier, would one of the missing be found.

I had to step away from dispatching at Anderson County because I would have panic attacks just thinking about going into work. After listening to hundreds, if not thousands of callers experiencing the worst days of their lives, it started to wear on me.

Through all of these experiences, the thought that kept weighing me down was this: “Did I do enough?”

It came in many forms, but it boils down to the simple question of if I did everything I could. And then, the thought that follows is if I could have done more. Did I miss something? Did I do everything correctly? Did I save the call fast enough? If I had answered the call a second sooner, would that have changed the outcome? If I had gone out into the debris field a day earlier, would that have made a difference?

These thoughts can paralyze us. They open us up to second guessing ourselves in that next event, that next call for service. And they can stay with us for years to come, constantly dragging us down into darkness.

And let us be honest with ourselves: we cannot save them all. Sometimes CPR doesn’t work. Sometimes you do everything right, but it is too late. Sometimes you have to accept that your best is enough.

Your best is enough.

Go back and read that again. Your best is enough.

This was something that a teammate told me when our AmeriCorps team was back in Denver after leaving the devastation in Joplin. Your best is enough. Nobody is expecting you to exceed what you can do.

Over the past several years, those words have echoed constantly in my ears, every time I begin to second guess or doubt myself. As long as I know in my heart that I did everything I was supposed to, everything that I was trained to do, my best is all I can give. My best is enough.

This was not the beginning or the end of my personal journey with mental health, but it gave me the opportunity to address and begin to handle the stress that came with the experiences of disaster response and dispatching. It gave me the breathing room I needed so that the darkness of depression could not pull me back.

Sometimes our best is realizing that we need to step away and take care of ourselves. Mental health is not just about combatting depression and suicide, but also about dealing with stress and our personal demons, handling trauma and learning that we can only give so much of ourselves before we are the ones that need rescued.

By admitting that they have sought assistance for their mental health, Meghan and Harry showed true strength. Some battles cannot be fought alone. And seeking assistance is one of the best things you can do.

There will always be events and things out of your control. Things will go wrong. You may not win every battle you face. But as long as you continue to do your best, it will always be enough.

I’ll leave you with this: Your best is enough.