The Silence in the Night

I read an article recently that stated that the internet and social media were slowly killing us.  We, as a society, are loosing the battle against our humanity.  We no longer interact with one another, but through a computer screen.  We don’t know how to relate to one another.  Have a conversation like we used to.  We live digital lives that are killing us.

We don’t see one another any more.  We don’t see the struggles and the pain of living.  Our walls and boards and posts are filled with highlights, while we hide the darkness of life from prying eyes.  Nobody knows our struggles because we want to keep up the appearance of being strong, being brave, living the good life.  Our friends no longer see us for who we truly are, they just see what we want them to see.

It is a mask.  A lie.

I was once a part of a community who loved unconditionally.  We fought for one another.  Lifted one another up.  We were brothers and sisters.  Over the years we drifted apart.  Our paths have taken us away from one another, but yet we still keep in touch, ever so loosely.

Over the past week, several of my brothers and sisters in faith have reached out to ask for prayers.  They have opened their hearts and revealed their fears, doubts, and the darkness that they face.  One asked if there was anything they could be praying about for me.

It took me off guard.  And I stumbled.  And I realized that I don’t have it all together, unlike what I’ve allowed people to see.  What I’ve wanted people to see.

19 The Darkness Within

I recently downloaded the newest album from one of my favorite bands, Red’s “of Beauty and Rage.”  I’ve been listening to it almost constantly because it is such a powerful movement of lyrics and music; the classical strings juxtaposed against contemporary rock.

The leading title of the album is a song titled Darkest Part.  A song about the darkness that we keep within ourselves.

I never wanted you to see
The darkest part of me
I knew you’d run away
I waited but you never came

You see, we all have this darkness lurking beneath the surface.  The true self that we don’t want anyone else to bear witness to.

I’ve been struggling.  Over the past several weeks, I’ve been having a hard time being still before God.  It’s like I can no longer hear His gentle whispers.  I’m going through a time of waiting as I wrestle with thoughts about the future.  It’s a darkness that scares me.  A silence that is deafening.

I lay asleep at night and my thoughts consume my sleep.  I pray and it feels as if nobody is listening, even though my heart reminds me that God is still present.  I read the word of God, and I still feel empty.  And it scares me.

I’ve never tried to hide from the darkness, for it is part of me.  Part of who I am.  And yet I fear it.

I spilled my heart out to one of my brothers, asking for prayers.  And I’m still waiting.  The darkness hasn’t faded.  Nor has the silence turned to celebration.  But I no longer feel as if I face this struggle alone.

We are each surrounded by individuals who believe in us.  Brothers and sisters who constantly fight for us.  Family and friends who embrace us in love for who we are, even though they know the darkness that we keep hidden.

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