Giving It All

The past couple weeks have not been easy for me.  Far from it, actually.  I find myself frustrated, easily angered, and lost in the silence.  It’s as if my thoughts themselves have fallen away and the echos of the day fade into nothing.  

I’ve always feared the silence.  It makes me nervous.  It’s unsettling.  Unnatural in our society of noise and chaos.  

Lately, I’ve been rereading Michael Yaconelli’s book, “Dangerous Wonder: The Adventure of Childlike Faith.”  In it he talks about the voice of God that fades as we grow and begin to follow the rules of society.  We are told to be safe, not to take risks, but God wants us to leap first, fear later.  

I sometimes find myself disliking what I am required to do as part of my time of service with AmeriCorps.  I’d even go as far and say that sometimes I even hate it (and ‘hate’ is a very powerful word).  I don’t always like and/or get along with the people I am working with.  But I do it anyways.

I give everything I have to completing the task set before me.  To accomplishing the mission.  I attempt to get it done completely the first time, so someone else doesn’t have to go back over what has already been done.  

But I look back and ask myself why we don’t do the same with our faith.  Why are we unwilling to give our all when it comes to God?

The better question:  What are we afraid of if we were to give it all to God?  

Is it security? Wealth?  Influence?  Peace of mind?  Safety?  

Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
 – Matthew 6:19-21

The Good News that Jesus preached was not and is not an easy path.  He calls us to sacrifice so much, to live dangerously close to the unknown.  Following His path means abandoning what society considers important.

Jesus replied, “Foxes have holes and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”
 – Matthew 8:20

He calls us out of comfort.  He calls us to give up everything we believe to be important to find the richness of His grace and love.  Treasure in heaven.

Jesus looked at him and loved him.  “One thing you lack,” he said.  “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and then you will have treasure in heaven.  Then come, follow me.”
 – Mark 10:21

What makes us feel safe in this world threatens our relationship with our heavenly Father.  And yet, we ask ourselves why we are afraid to give everything to follow God.  Fear.

And [Jesus] told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest.  He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’

“Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do.  I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain.  And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years.  Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.” ‘

“But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you.  Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

“This is how it will be with those who store up things for themselves but are not rich toward God.”
 – Luke 12:16-21

What would our lives look like if we could move past our fears and apprehensions and truly live like we were following God with all our hearts?  

I know in my heart that I am too safe.  Maybe that is why I fear the voice in the silence.  Maybe that is why I blast my music or spend my time reading.  I’m afraid of the sacrifice that comes with the call.

But at the same time, I am envious of those who have heard the call and follow it.  I want to be fearless like them, following the call with all their heart, soul and physical strength.  

In a way, it’s not the silence that I fear.  It never was.  It’s the whispers of God in the quiet that challenge all I know.  And in some way, it is comforting to know that I am still being pursued by God, no matter how many times I try to turn and run away.

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2 Comments »

  1. What holds me back is the fear that if I act I will make God look bad and mess up the perfect plan. I’m very aware of my insecurities and weaknesses, but perhaps that awareness itself is the biggest stumbling block in my life.

    • stkerr Said:

      Nothing we do can mess up His plan. He smiles and laughs and continues on. He uses our insecurities and weaknesses to reveal how He plans to use us to further the Kingdom of Heaven. He uses our mess-ups to show us that, though we are not perfect, He continues to love us and pour out His blessings on us. I’ve learned that sometimes my ‘mistakes’ are doors that God has put in front of me that I have fallen through…


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