And God Smiled…

The last time I wrote I was struggling with feeling the presence of God.  I couldn’t seem to see where he was leading me when, in the past, the signs were so obvious.  It was if I had grown used to not hearing him, filling my time with the noise of the world.  It was if I had grown distant from him, not able to recognize the gentle pull on my heart.

I was floundering in the sea.  And then a series of small events took place that reminded me of who I was.

I stumbled onto a sermon from several years ago.  For some time I have had a podcast saved on my phone, but never got the time to return to it.  But I did, and hit play.  And the words blew me out of the water.

Several years ago, when I was a student at Anderson University, a small group of us would drive up to Greenville, SC each Sunday evening to join the community of Radius in worship, fellowship and teachings. A year ago I discovered their podcast with the intention of continuing to listen to the sermons on a weekly basis, but it slipped my mind as distractions of leading a team in New York City set in.  I found it again this week and began listening again, hoping that something would change in my heart, allowing me to hear God again.

The teacher, a great friend, father and leader, spoke of finding peace and contentment with wherever God had led us.  Sitting there in our housing, I sat back and smiled stupidly.  It was as if I knew this, but never realized it.  He spoke of how, when we give ourselves over to God, we can find peace and contentment with whatever we have been given.  Be it we are rich with material wealth or find ourselves with nothing but God.

In that moment I knew that I didn’t need to know His plan.  And for the first time in years, I was content with not knowing.

I knew that I could be satisfied with where God has led me because of the blessings of the adventure that He has poured out on this journey.

I knew that even though there was so much noise in my head, I would still hear His call.  And although I couldn’t hear (and still can’t) hear his whispers every day, I know that He has never abandoned me.

And then I received a beautiful email from my cousin, whose words confirmed all that I had heard through the speakers and headphones.  He gentle reminders of how blessed we each are lifted my heart to smile.

I’ll be completely honest, this will continue to be a struggle.  I know it.  But I have come to realize so much in a short amount of time.

God has never abandoned us.  Though we have wandered and strayed, He has always been at our side.  We are not alone in the darkest of nights.  We have a community, a fellowship of believers, an army of warriors who stand beside us, support us through our struggles, even if they don’t know the details.

And when we think He is done teaching us, God smiles.

As if all that wasn’t enough, when I returned to St Louis this afternoon, I found several pieces of mail waiting for me.  I hesitated as I opened them, reading their words with disappointment before I realized that this was all part of God’s plan.

Am I frustrated?  Upset?  Yes. But I know that God has something more in mind.  I don’t know what it is at this time, but He has been opening doors and shining a light at my feet.

I asked for a sign, an answer at where He was leading me.  And He provided one.  It wasn’t the one I was expecting.  Nor was it what I wanted.  But He is faithful and I trust that He knows where He is leading me.

So, when you are struggling, open your heart to God and you may find the peace that He has offered.

God Bless and PEACE

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2 Comments »

  1. I absolutely loved this, Sean. I’m in a very similar season right now so this was so encouraging. Praying for you!

  2. Thank you for this. 🙂


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