It’s Time to Wake Up

I have a sketchbook full of ideas, drawings, snippets of stories, quotes, and, every now and then, a piece of who I am.  There are faces and images that have haunted my dreams, words that have consumed my thoughts, and characters that express several personalities that make me who I am.  There are notes to myself and to those who dare to venture into the darkest folds of the images that I have spewed forth.  There are parts that are consumed by darkness, rage, and love that never ceases.  And within it all, one can find my deepest desires and darkest nightmares, proudest moments and most passionate love.

In the midst of the lines on the page, I find myself lost in the beauty of my thoughts.  Or the rationale musings of my mind.  Or the fears that seem to consume every page.

For the past several weeks, my dreams have been haunted with fathom characters.  Shapes of what seems to be shadows of darkness and light, but move through the midst with grace and precision, like a hunter stalking their prey.  They are a mystery, but I know exactly who they are.

I know each one of them personally.  They are my fears.  My uncertainty.  The ghosts that haunt my thoughts.  And the demons that pull me down.

I have captured each of them on the page at one point or another.  The pages of my sketchbook are full of them, self portraits of pain, indifference, and worry.  They are the faceless.  The darkened souls.  The shadows on the page.  And the rage that slashes across the paper.

I know who they are.  Each of them have a name.  Doubt.  Confidence.  Indifference.  Insanity.  Darkness.  Rage.  Love.  Emptiness.  Decay.  They are many.  And they are the demons that I fight each and every day.  And I confront each time I close my eyes.

In the TV show “Firefly” there is a scene where River asks her brother if it is time to go back to sleep. Simon responds by stating, “it’s time to wake up.”

I don’t draw the darkness that dwells within my thoughts to remember it.  I draw my demons to bring them out into the light.  I do not wish to glorify them, but to battle them each and every waking hour.

Courage is more than smiling when you feel like you’re about to collapse under the weight of the world.  It is more than fighting with every last ounce of strength you possess.  Courage is about living without fear.  Living in the moment, not letting your demons turn your thoughts to the past.

To many times I find myself living within the dark shroud of my dreams.  Fighting my demons when I should be living life to the fullest.

Yes, we must face our demons.  Fight them at times.  But we also have to learn to wake up to the realization that the strength we receive from God is greater than the darkest nights that threaten to consume us from the inside out.

When we live without fear, we find the freedom that we have been offered by our Father.

And as we stand there facing down the darkness, we can rest assured knowing that we never fight alone.  (For that is the greatest strength of each of our demons, making us believe that we are alone in our struggles)  We have our brothers and sisters beside us, which is the strength we receive from living in communion with one another and with God.

And although my sketchbook is filled with darkness at times, pages are also full of warriors.  With weapons that strike out.  Verses from scripture.  Lyrics from songs.  Questions that make us think.

My sketchbook provides encouragement, allows an outlet of release, and is the battlefield in which I wage my war against my demons.

God Bless and PEACE

PS: I know this was a rant, so if it doesn’t make since, I’m not really that sorry.  I may come back to edit it, but probably not.  Just sayin’.

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