Searching For Words

It’s been almost two weeks since we’ve returned from our travels in Uganda and the journey at the Agule Community Health Center.  I find comfort in the routine of life and in being surrounded by family and friends, but i know that i have been forever changed.  I have scanned through photographs and read through journal entries, but there are things that i have yet to come to terms with. 

I lay in bed at night, trying to sleep, but i am haunted by the sights and sounds that will not fade now that they have een burned into my memory.  I see and hear things that cause my skin to crawl with emotions.  I wander during the day and experience things that bring back memories, sights and smells, sounds and feelings.  I am reminded of this place that has stolen my heart and I cannot help but to feel emotion coursing through my veins, more powerful than blood.

I sort through pictures and see kids faces stairing up at me, each one filled with joy.  I see the eyes of patients gazing through the lens and feel them searching my soul, each on filled with a hope that brings me to my knees.  I no longer see pictures, but people.  Faces of ones that i have come to love and my heart aches to be with them.

I can tell family and friends stories of this place, of what happened while we were here, but I have yet to find words that can begin to describe the emotion that rests on my heart.  I try to write, but words do not flow forth.  I try to explain, but raw emotion overtakes me.  I sit there, longing to share what is on my heart, but words are foreign to the feelings of the heart. 

I am still processing this journey, this adventure.  Even as the world goes rushing by, I am stilled by my own thoughts.  I sit for hours, just thinking about this place and the people that have captured my heart and made it part of their own. 

I fear that somehow, i may never find the words to share, but at the same time am glad that the emotions are too powerful to comprehend them.  I am caught in an emotional wirlwind of chaos and confusion.

Once i finally comprehend and process everything that has happened, that i have seen and experienced, maybe then will words find their way into conversations and writings.  Until then i will continue to search for them and attempt to explain the feelings of the heart.

God Bless and PEACE

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