Its been rough. Sometimes we search for God’s plan in our lives, only to wander farther and farther away from what he wants us to do with our life and gifts. He calls us onto a narrow road that we so often wander off of and dive headlong into a path covered in thorns.
I use visuals because thats the easiest way for me to discribe a feeling or an event.
For a while i’ve been searching for something. Something that will please God. I’ve been lost in the woods looking for this narrow path and i’ve stumbled around in the dark, criss crossing over it as i’ve wandered aimlessly. I made my own path in hopes that it was the one that i was supposed to follow, but instead of running into the narrow path of Gods will, i hit a cliff edge and realized that one more step could send me over the edge into nothingness.
I made plans for next year on the assumption that God would do certain things in my life. instead it feels like God has slapped me in the face and opened my eyes showing me a path back to the narrow road.
God doesnt reveal all of his plan at once, but a little bit at a time. For if he did, we would turn and run the other way.
Am i frustrated. Yes.
Am i angry? Only with my self.
I had made plans for God. I expected to be on BCM leadership, and thought i was fine with it when i got the news that i didnt recieve a position. I told people one thing, but in my heart i was questioning God. Then tonight, at FCA something amazing and, well, harsh happened. As we worshiped i realized about half way through that my heart wasnt in the right place to begin worshiping a God that has forgiven all my sins and failures.
God broke me. He revealed to me how selfsishly i have been acting in my life. I realized that, sometimes, our grand plans for life dont go along with the plan that God has for each of us.
I dont know what God has planned for next year, yet alone for the rest of my life, but he is slowly begining to unveil his plan to my understanding and life.
God Bless and PEACE