Archive for Art

What We’ve Lost

A couple weeks ago I came across a quote that stopped me in my tracks and made me smile.  I’ve always been an artist, putting all my focus into my work.  In college, I would loose track of time while in the painting studios, spending hours hunched over the canvas, spreading paint across its surface.  I start a drawing and can’t seem to put it down until I discover that I need to sleep or there is nothing more to do. 

I put my heart and soul into my work and have lost my mind in the process.
 - Vincent Van Gogh

I think he may be refering to the obsession that led to cutting off his own ear and sending it to ‘the love of his life’ as a sign of affection.  Or it may be the fact that he was loosing his mind because he was cleaning his brushes by licking the lead based paint clean. 

Fortunately, I’m not that far gone.  Have I lost my mind?  Possibly. 

We all have.  We put all our focus into our work.  We are a society driven by the need to continue moving.  We go and go and continue to go just to keep going farther.  We set everything else on the back burner and we loose track of time.  We loose track of a lot more than just time, we loose track of what is truely important to us. 

We distract oursleves from our own thoughts.  We loose ourselves in things that don’t really matter.  We loose our minds because we have poured everything we have into our work. 

And yet we still do it.  And still, I smile. 

My art is an expression of my faith.  Yet at times I’ve felt that I’ve poured so much into my art that I have nothing left to give back to God.  Sometimes I’ve lost more than my mind, I’ve lost myself.

It’s dangerous putting all our heart and soul into what we do.  It’s dangerous forgetting who we are. 

Step back.  Listen to the silence.  Learn to be still. 

God Bless and PEACE

The Darkness Within

We live in a world that is filled with darkness.  Our society is driven by fear and insecurities.  We are constantly looking over our shoulders, watching strangers wondering if they are the ones that bring forth the shadows.  But I’ve found that sometimes the darkness that we fear is the darkness that we find within ourselves. 

There are times when I find myself asking what is hidden beneath the surface, threatening to break out.  Is it everything that we fear about ourselves, the dark desires and thoughts that creep in in the night?  Is it our insecurities?  Or is something that cannot be put into words?

This darkness is part of who we are.  We cannot escape it because it is part of what defines us.  For me, it is the unknown.   The fear of no longer caring about those that I have come to love.  Of dying emotionally. 

Because I understand the darkness that is within me, I know myself even better.  I recognize the darkness, but I do not embrace it. 

There is a saying, “Keep your friends close, and  your enemies closer.”  We study what we fear because when we understand it, there is nothing there to fear. 

Just some thoughts…

God Bless and PEACE

Choosing Your Shot

Throughout my last project with AmeriCorps National Civilian Community Corps (NCCC) I rarely took my camera out onto the work site.  It wasn’t that there were not shots to be taken, nor were there not opportunities to capture some good images.  I felt that it would be inappropriate for me to pull out my camera while leading middle school kids through wilderness camps. 

It’s a conflict of morals, ethics and personal judgement.  Others on my team took some amazing pictures while working camp.  I didn’t due to the fact that it didn’t feel right. 

As an artist and a photographer, I understand the desire to capture that perfect image, but there are times when my personal beliefs outweigh the urge to document everything around me.  There is a code of ethics that many journalists follow that makes me struggle to lift my camera.  I saw it in Joplin where the call to capture the emotions of a scene ment that the photographer in question acted like he had no soul or feeling.  Without being asked or warned, many individuals found a camera lens in their face. 

I struggled with this knowledge day after day in the field, where I often refused to lift my camera, despite the visually striking image of emotions.  Ethically, I feel that those grieving should be given their space, that if a photographer takes specific images, they are loosing a part of their soul.  I am not willing to sacrifice that which makes me who I am as an artist and individual.

Working at the Lake Houston Wilderness Park, I found myself unwilling to lift my camera yet again.  I felt that my taking out my camera and taking photos of camp would lead me away from why I was there; Serving those kids. 

So, lo and behold, I do not have any photos of camp.  In our four weeks on project, I pulled out my camera three times and only used it twice…

One afternoon, before camp started the next day, a number of us got the opportunity to help set up the archery equipment and received a crash course on how to shoot a bow and arrow.  After that, we enjoyed an hour of relaxation and shooting at targets. 

God Bless and PEACE

Images Across Missouri

For the past three months, I have been out in Missouri alongside of Sun 6, an AmeriCorps NCCC team based out of the Denver campus.  We started our journey in Williamsburg, MO, working with the Missouri Dept. of Conservation (MDC).  We enjoyed the hard work of controlled burns, trail building, invasive species removal and chasing frogs. 

From there we responded to the Good Friday Tornado in St. Louis, where we worked beside the St. Louis Emergency Response Team (ERT), the Washington Conservation Corps (WCC), Earth 2 (another team out of Denver) and All Hands Volunteers.  We did a lot of manual labor, swamping and dragging limbs and debris to the curb so that the city could pick it up, chain saw work, and learning from experience. 

Less than 24 hours after the EF-5 tornado hit Joplin, MO, we arrived and started helping set up the Volunteer Reception Center (VRC).  We were joined by two more teams out of Denver (Water 4 and 7, i believe), members of the Conservation Corp of Iowa and Minnesota, Environmental Corps out of Texas, and several other smaller AmeriCorps programs (Read and Learn, Habitat for Humanity, Teach and Serve, to name a few).  We were doing a lot of the volunteer management, running the operations, and behind the scenes work in the VRC. 

Below are a series of photographs that capture the whole experience of the past three months (including the 36 days on disaster):

 All of our boots, covered in dirt, ash and… well… you don’t want to know.  All the Corps Members (in NCCC) are issued steel toed boots in the beginning of the year, now they are torn up and weathered. 

 This was the highlight of my time in Williamsburg:  the night burn at Marshal I. Diggs Conservation Area.

 A hard hat and sweater left on the ground in St. Louis.  It just caught my  eye and defines (for me) what we did there.

 A portrait of one of the St. Louis ERT members, hard at work in the VRC in Joplin.  Most of the work that I did in Joplin was in the VRC, entering data.  This is an example of the behind the scenes work that never gets recognized. 

 One of the WCC guys as a squad leader out in the field.  Many of us did not have experience leading 100+ volunteers on our own each day, but the dedication of the AmeriCorps members out in the field made me proud. 

 Another portrait, this time one of the Directors of AmeriCorps St. Louis.  This was probably the only time he wasn’t directing all the organization of AmeriCorps, but out in the field listening to the stories of victims and survivors. 

 I finish off with this self-portrait, knowing that who I am now is just a shadow of who I once was.  These experiences have changed me and I am still processing everything that I have experienced in Williamsburg, St. Louis and Joplin. 

God Bless and PEACE

Excellence

As part of AmeriCorps NCCC, my team (Sun 7) headed down and arrived in Houston, TX just over a week ago.  We have been working with Houston Parks and Recreation, helping to clean up the city.  In doing so, we have been working in the medians, pruning trees, clearing out overgrown brush, and spreading mulch. 

It isn’t easy work.  Each day, I fear that a car will come hurdling down the road, hop the curb and take me out, from either direction.  We face thorns, poison ivy (which I have stayed far away from), and red fire ants, not to mention our own stupidity, the heat, and the drive to finish without stopping to take a break. 

The first couple days of work, we were enthusiastic and excited to finally be doing something, rather than sitting in a classroom listening to another lecture about safety, procedure, or life skills.  But after a couple of days of waking up before the sun rises, long hours of hard work, and working in the medians when we expected something more, exhaustion and frustration started to take its toll on our work. 

I’ll get it out of the way, I love my team.  We work together as a single unit (for the most part), rarely argue, and constantly love one another by making fun of everyone.  Even after a meer two weeks, we have become a family. 

When we got our project we were excited because we were told we were going to be doing trail work, invasive species removal, planting linear forests and helping out in parks.  So far the closest we have gotten is in the linear forest part, though we are not actually planing anything, just cutting stuff down and covering the ground with mulch.  We look like a bunch of convicts on the side of the road, just give our team leader a shotgun and everything will look perfect (we even have the 15 passenger van with government plates). 

To say the least, we are getting a little frustrated.  All of us are, and it is showing in our work and how we work.  In our actions and in our words.  We all joined NCCC to serve, though many didn’t expect that this was going to be how we serve our nation. 

Today was hard.  Part of it was the fact that it is a monday and we had the weekend off.  Part of it was the fact that we are frustrated.  Part of it was the fact that our expectations were too high to begin with. 

I was personally frustrated because I found myself cutting corners, not doing my very best.  I saw every one else doing it too, but it didn’t bother me nearly as much as when I saw it in my own work. 

In everything we do, we need to strive for excellence.  In our actions and in our words we need to be the best that we can possibly be.  We need to strive for perfection and reach excellence. 

In my last semester of painting, I  restarted my series of work with less than 5 weeks before having to hang my Senior Show.  Why, you may ask.  Because the work that I was doing was not up to my own personal standards.  I was not getting the excellent work that I expected out of myself. 

Photographers don’t just go out searching for a single image, but they strive to capture each and every single one to the degree of perfection.  A good photographer will try to take excellent pictures all the time.  That is what makes them different from any other shmuck with a camera. 

In our works, we need to strive for that same excellence.  Especially when we feel like the work we are doing will amount to nothing.  If you believe that, then that is the attitude that you will take when you work.  When asked to pick up trash, pick it up with a joy in your step.  When asked to prune trees down the middle of a busy road for as far as you can see, jump in and go at the trees with enthusiasm. 

As Christians, the work we do is for the glory of God.  Be it working in a church building, leading a community, teaching in a school, fixing things, or picking up trash. 

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward.  It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

 - Colossians 3:23-24

God Bless and PEACE

Pictures and Photographs

Everyone loves a great image.  A moment of time captured on film or a file.  Many men and women over the years have gone out exploring for that perfect view.  The one that stops people in their tracks and makes them stare. 

Those artists have faded from existence as photography has become every man’s (or woman’s) art.  Anyone can pick up a digital camera, put it on auto, point it and take a picture.  With the right technology, the right skills, any image can be made into art.  And we still call it photography.  The art of photography is dying before our eyes. 

There are some things that cause me to cringe.  There are some things that bring out a side of me that few have seen.  Inside, I go off on people with a fancy camera who don’t know how to take a photograph.  They can take pictures, but there is no art in it.  I am a photography snob. 

There, I said it.  I am a photography snob.

Now, I know some of you are thinking I am a little crazy, but let me explain.  There are many people who call themselves photographers, myself included, though many of them only take pictures, they do not know how to take a photograph. 

Before you go off on me, there is a difference between the two.  Any time you press down the shutter button on a camera, you take a picture.  The difference of a photograph is the effort, the skill and the art of taking said picture.  A photographer knows how to manipulate his camera, through shutter speed, aperture, ISO and focus to frame his or her subject that captures the emotion and the feel of the image. 

If I’ve already lost you or you don’t know what the aperture, shutter speed and ISO does, then you probably don’t know what your camera is capable of nor do you know the essentials of creating a photograph. 

Anyone can walk down the street and see someone or something that catches their attention and take a picture of it.  Any one with a camera can capture that moment in time.  Very few people will study it.  That’s how you can tell who a photographer is.  They frame their image before they even bring the camera up to their eye.  They compose the image like a painting, using their camera like a paintbrush.  Manipulating it to capture the image that they see. 

A photographer can use the simplest camera to capture a photograph, just as easily as if they used the latest, most innovative and expensive camera on the market.  They can do this because they know cameras.  They know how to use cameras to capture the vision that they see. 

Photographers understand light balance, visual balance, compositional balance and emotional balance (or imbalance) as well as the effects of these on the viewer.  They know how to change all of these with the slightest movement and the smallest change in aperture or shutter speed, if not both. 

I get really frustrated with people who take really good pictures, but they have no clue what their camera can do.  I get even more fed up with people who blame their camera for ‘holding them back’. 

“If only I had a better camera, my pictures would turn out better…” 

I don’t believe you.  A photographer is only held back by his own view.  Yes, some cameras have more features, but that does not prevent a photographer from capturing amazing photographs. 

As well as a snob, I am a purist when it comes to photography.  I rarely edit my photographs and pictures.  If I do put them through PhotoShop, I take out the dust marks and crop the image.  If one cannot get the correct colors through manipulating the camera, then it is no longer a photograph, it is a digital image.  A photographer’s tool is his camera, they must know how to use it to the fullest. 

I have known people to take a picture, put it through PhotoShop or Adobe LightRoom or some other program and adjust the colors, the brightness, the contrast, the saturation and then crop it, making it a completely different image all together.  This is not photography, this is digital manipulation.  I know how to do it too, but I choose not to because Photography is an art that is getting lost in the digital age. 

While many scoff at me, saying that what they do on computers is the same thing they do in the darkroom, I refrain comment.  I have worked in the darkroom before.  If you do not get a good photograph to begin with, captured on the film, no amount of work will make it more than a good picture.  The same goes for digital images. 

Photography is the lost art.  There are very few artists that work behind the camera.  While not a professional, I do consider myself a photographer.  In addition to a purist and an artist. 

In conclusion, I do beleive that there is a difference between a photograph and a picture.  There is a difference between those who take pictures and Photographers. 

Maybe it’s just me being a snob or it might just be an overreaction to an add for some bit of software that stated, turn that picture into a photograph, but this little rant has been building up in me for a while and It just took a while to slowly boil over.  Now that it’s done, I feel much better.  Now I want to go on a Photo-Adventure with just me and my camera across the country…

God Bless and PEACE

The Language We Use

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for the Lord’s people.  Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. 

 - Ephesians 5:3-4

After watching The Book of Eli the other night with a small group of friends, we began to discuss the movie.  We went through the theological discussions about different aspects of the movie and into the society in which the movie was made.  The question then became whether or not the movie is a Christian movie?  If so, how do we explain all the cursing?  What about all the violence?  The sexual references and the attempted rape scene?

This started a thought that kept on rolling and the question soon became, how can we claim Christianity if we continue to cures, make sexual jokes and innuendoes, and continue to speak like the rest of society that surrounds us?  Can we truly follow God’s will if we still hold on to this language that we continue to use? 

God specifically tells us “Do not conform to the pattern of this world…” but instead he calls us to “… be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”  (Romans 12:2)  In his letter to the Romans, Paul is reminding them (and us) that we live as a ‘living sacrifice’ to God.  The way we live should reflect God’s mercy for us.  (Rom 12:1 … just read the whole chapter, or better yet, all of Romans again)

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord.  Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord.  Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 

 - Ephesians 5:8-11

We are the light of the world.  (Matt 5:14-16)  Our lives reveal the glory and love of God, through how we live in the world.  We are surrounded by the darkness of the world, but that should not mean that the darkness should consume us. 

The society we live in should not dictate our actions.  Our faith does. 

When we follow Christ and give our lives to living for our God, people should see the change in the way we act.  If we continue to act the same way as we did before we decided to follow God, do we truly believe in His word and His love? 

God Bless and PEACE

‘Christian’ Music

The other day, I noticed the day-workers dancing back in the dishwashing room.  It’s not an unusual sight in the dining room, it happens about once every other minute.  Our boss, Roses, found some small speakers, so they plug up their MP3 phones and play everything from contemporary worship to christian rap, tribal West African to African worship.  When I entered the dishroom, some of them were dancing traditional African dances while others had their eyes closed, faces and hands lifted up.  All of them were either singing or praying in some fashion to the beat of traditional drums and voices. 

Later that day, I asked one of them where the music came from.  Where the beats originated from.  I was surprised to hear him tell me that the tune was a traditional, tribal song used frequently in Voodoo ceremonies in the area. 

Part of me was horrified.  Another part of me realizes that this is how our hymns started. 

Here in Togo, one of the major religions is Voodoo, a mix between tribal witch-magic and Christianity and Islam.  Many of the ceremonies include masks that are openly sold in the markets, though the vendors will tell you that they aren’t used (found this out through one of the other day-workers), and blood sacrifices, both human and animal. 

When people hear this tune, this worship music set to a Voodoo rhythm, they don’t hear the Christian lyrics, they hear the association with ‘blood-magic,’ wild dance ceremonies, sacrifices and curses.  It’s the darkness behind the music that people hear, and that makes me very uncomfortable. 

Even the day-workers still dance to this music, the traditional dances that are associated with the tribal religions and faith.  You see it in the celebrations in and around the ship.  You see it in the churches and on the streets.  It surrounds this culture.  It consumes West Africa. 

Do not get me wrong, It brings joy to see the West African people praise and worship God, but how much does the light shine if it is shrouded and consumed by darkness.  Not only darkness around it, but within it too. 

I fear that Christian music that is based on the foundations of darkness is still, in essence, darkness.  Christian music should have a solid foundation, the words of salvation, the words of Christ, lyrics that are solid.  The music should be constructed out of the lyrics.  This, I believe, goes for all Christian music. 

Just some of my thoughts on Christian music.

God Bless and PEACE

When Lives are Changed

On Thursday, I got the opportunity and privilege to observe surgery again.  So, I got into scrubs and headed down to the OR.  When I got down there, I got the honor to observe Dr. Leo Chang and his team working to remove a tumor from a ladies upper mandible (on the bone between the right eye and upper teeth). 

When I came into the Operating Theatre, Dr. Chang and his crew of nurses and technicians had already removed the majority of the tumor, about the size of a softball, after about two hours of surgery.  When asked, one of the nurses told me that they were still a couple hours away from finishing. 

While I watched, Dr. Chang and his team from around the world (literally, he is from England, the other doctor was from West Africa, and the nurses were from Australia and New Zealand I believe) started to reconstruct the muscles of the face.  Using one of the analogies of the nurses, It was kinda like fixing a jig-saw puzzle. 

While they continued to work, I carefully maneuvered around and took some pictures.  I was reminded a number of times, by almost every nurse that came in, of the official Mercy Ships policy on photography:  ‘You cannot publish photos of patients.”  The privacy of the patients is something that Mercy Ships is insistent on.  While these surgeries change their lives, they are still people and still need to be respected as such. 

After about three hours of observing, I had to part ways, mostly due to the fact that there was a fire drill at some point that afternoon.  It took another two to three hours for Dr. Chang and his team to finish reconstructing the muscles of the ladies face. 

It was an honor to be able to observe Dr. Leo Chang and his team work the long hours to change this womans life.  It will be forever changed and she will be forever thankful for their hard work and dedication. 

God Bless and PEACE

The Story of a Block of Wood and a Bloody Goat Skin

While I was in Kpalime (pronounced Pal-em-aye) this weekend, I got the opportunity to purchase a Djembe.  Not only did I get to buy it, I got to see it be transformed from a block of wood and a bloody goat skin into a beautiful drum. 

When we arrived at Ayivor Fofo Asser’s workshop on Saturday morning (around 10ish), he was just finishing shaping two ‘medium’ sized djembe’s and was passing them off to his brother / assistant.   After  a couple of introductions, he realized that I was the one that wanted the djembe (Josh called one of his friends in Kpalime to warn Ayivor that I was interested in buying a drum).  He looked at me and asked if I wanted one of these, pointing to the smaller djembes, or did I want ‘the big one’.  I smile and said ‘the big one’.

After finishing shaping the smaller djembes, Ayivor made the first chops into the center hole of my djembe (as seen above).  At first, the drum wasnt that impressive.  It was basically just a block of wood, but as he continued to shape and carve the drum, it started to look more like a djembe. 

The djembe maker, as the locals call him, used a number of different tools to carve and shape the djembe, from a hatchet to an axe, a machete to a number of hand-made, custom tools specifically designed by his own hands. 

Once he finished shaping the outside of the djembe, he went back to cutting the hole through the center of the drum.   First he hacked away with axe and hatchet (as seen above) then carved away with a small blade attached to the end of a pole, which he slammed down into the center and carved away bits and pieces, slowly getting closer and closer to the thickness/thinness that he desired for the djembe (right around thumbs width, measured by a metal plate). 

Once he finished shaping the outside of the djembe, he went back to cutting the hole through the center of the drum.   First he hacked away with axe and hatchet (as seen above) then carved away with a small blade attached to the end of a pole, which he slammed down into the center and carved away bits and pieces, slowly getting closer and closer to the thickness/thinness that he desired for the djembe (right around thumbs width, measured by a metal plate). 

The great thing about watching Ayivor work was the fact that he invited me to help carve my own djembe.  Above, is me using the unique machete tool.  Now, I am part of this djembe, not because I bought it, but because I helped to make it.  Well, that’s what Ayivor said anyways. 

My bunkmate, Paul (seen below), also got to help smooth out the outside of the drum.   I agree with Paul when he said “He [the djembe maker] makes it look so easy.”  Trust me, it’s not.  Ayivor has been making djembes for the past ten years, he knows what he is doing. 

Soon after, we parted for the day, after sitting and watching the djembe maker for over six hours (take note that he started about 3 hours before we got there). 

The next morning (Sunday) I arrived at Ayivor’s workshop shortly after he did.   After he showed me that he fired my djembe (dried out all the moisture from the wood, decreasing the weight by more than half) he proudly announced that he had just purchased the goatskin and was ready to begin stretching it.  So, he pulled out a plastic bag and dug out a handful of fur.  He shook it out, and I noticed that it was still soaked in blood.  When he said fresh, he ment really fresh. 

Note to PETA and all the animal lovers out there:  The goat was not killed for its skin.  Somebody killed it to eat it, then sold the skin for extra money.  This is Africa, they use everything.  They ate all the meat, used the skin for a djembe, and made the bones into tools, or carved them into jewelry to sell at the marketplace. 

So, after Ayivor nailed the bloodied skin to let it dry out, he started to cut a bar of iron and bend it around the djembe.  He made three loops of iron, two larger loops for the top of the djembe and one smaller one looped around the middle of the drum (as seen below).

After that the djembe maker went off to find the welder.  ‘Only ten minutes’ he told Paul and me.  Almost an hour later he came back, iron rings welded and ready to go.  He then cut some strips of cloth (above) to wrap one of the large rings and the smaller ring which was welded around the djembe, and it won’t slide off. 

Between wrapping the cloth around the iron rings and chatting in broken english, Ayivor took the second large ring (the one not wrapped in cloth) and stretched the skin over it, using threads from a nylon piece of rope that he stripped apart.  To help dry it out, he held them over the small fire that he built (as seen above). 

From there, he started to string the djembe with rope and the two iron bars.  Soon, the drum started looking like a djembe.  He slid the stretched skin over the top and under the cloth wrapped iron ring.  From there, he started to tighten up the drum head (as seen above).  

As it tightened, he carved off the extra skin from the sides of the drumhead and gave the djembe a haircut, much to Paul’s amusement (as he is the ships hair stylist). 

After the first couple series of tightening and drying of the djembe head, it was time for the carving. 

Side story:  The night before, I tore out the drawing from my sketchbook that I wanted on my djembe so that Ayivor could have it for reference.  Unfortunately, his brother / assistant decided it would be a good idea to use it to roll a smoke in.  So, it went up in smoke, literally. 

As you can see from the above photo, Ayivor based the carving of a lion head off some of my remaining sketches and drawings from my sketchbook.  In addition to my sketchbook, he constantly asked me to clarify my sketches by correcting his drawings directly on the drum. 

Over the next couple hours, the djembe maker paid special attention to my drum, constantly checking it and finally tuning it to perfection.  Even as he continued to work on the other two djembes that had been started before I got there the morning before. 

Eventually, he finally finished work for the day at around four in the afternoon.  After 30+ hours between when I first got there, I walked away with a djembe over my shoulder.  It was an amazing experience to sit and watch a block of wood transform into a drum. 

Even Ayivor Fofo Asser finally sat down and relaxed. 

Now I have a beautiful djembe that is a lot more than just a drum, but an experience that will never be forgotten.  I was able to put my hands into its construction and have stories that come from watching and spending time with the djembe maker. 

God Bless and PEACE

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